Greeting from beautiful Qatar where I am on my four day rest and relaxation pass. Bottom line it’s a lot like a work release program from prison. Everything we do is highly supervised and regulated. The nightly night cap is limited to three beers a person and unlike the last time they closed all the loop holes, which I may or may not have used in the pass to score more drinks.
But perhaps I am getting ahead of myself. Getting here was anything but restful and relaxing. After arriving over a week ago at the airport I found myself being bumped from every flight due to being a low priority. For those who haven’t been reading the news the Russians are at it again and invaded Georgia in response to Georgian military actions. Rest assured the US does not stand for “excessive military response” unless it comes from a country whose name happens to rhyme with kisreal. But anyway I digress, the Georgian military got priority as they urgently and expeditiously redeployed for two days I watch them come in on the helicopters get pep talks from there unit commanders and spiritual advisors, use their break to clean there weapons and fly off to fight an enemy that was tearing through their country. I asked one of the officers how he was doing and he responded with the understatement of the century, “Glad I am going home wish it was under better conditions.” So at least I have that to look forward to a better homecoming. I can’t imagine returning from war to fight a war.
When we finally got here we were greeted by the ground rules. To summarize I am under greater restrictions here than Martha Stewart on house arrest, however despite this it has been a nice little rest. Also I tried complaining telling them we are being treated like children, however on my first excursion out into town one a fine Army member decided to sit down on a display chair and didn’t realize the glass between separating the display area smacked his head on the glass and had to go to the hospital for stitches. This may sound elitist but at least the officers should not suffer from the harsh restrictions after that incident I might not say the same thing about the enlisted.
All in all the trips been fun albeit a tease making me miss home more.
I can’t complain though when I get back I’ll have less than a month and a half to go.
Missing you all.
Ben
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Day Holy Shit I've been here Fucking Forever
Well all, I know it has been a while but the military has kept me very busy to say the least. In the past month I've traveled around my area of operations and I've seen a lot. Here is a brief overview of some of the things I've experienced.
The members of the various district council throughout Iraq are some of the highest paid officials in the country. The US government subsidizes there salary and they get a decent stipend from the Iraqi government and they collect even more money through the various extortion schemes they all run. With that said every council meeting regardless of which council (I deal with five) opens up the meeting with the same item a vote that they there salaries must be raised. Also I got to witness the first ever vote to concur with the previous vote, which in turn cancelled the previous vote.
As part of the surge the US military has opened these small bases referred to as Joint Security Stations (JSS). To be blunt staying at a JSS just plain sucks. The one I was at was manned by an Infantry Company so in English it means 120 dudes live there. The only entertainment is AFN television. So needless to say when the reality television show the next pussycat dolls came on there were a lot of viewers. Approximately 90 to be exact the rest were on guard duty.
Another way I've known I've been here a while. Now immediately upon walking into the dinning hall I have to a take a dump. Previously I at least needed to taste the food.
Engineers are a commodity in Iraq today I did a favor for one of the infantry units so in return they give me a gift, two high explosive grenades and two fragmentation grenades. Good news honey, thanks to latest supreme court ruling I believe we might have the latest in home defense. We can take out the intruder as well as any thing else within a 5 meter radius ... sweet thank you second amendment.
Almost there ... almost there.
The members of the various district council throughout Iraq are some of the highest paid officials in the country. The US government subsidizes there salary and they get a decent stipend from the Iraqi government and they collect even more money through the various extortion schemes they all run. With that said every council meeting regardless of which council (I deal with five) opens up the meeting with the same item a vote that they there salaries must be raised. Also I got to witness the first ever vote to concur with the previous vote, which in turn cancelled the previous vote.
As part of the surge the US military has opened these small bases referred to as Joint Security Stations (JSS). To be blunt staying at a JSS just plain sucks. The one I was at was manned by an Infantry Company so in English it means 120 dudes live there. The only entertainment is AFN television. So needless to say when the reality television show the next pussycat dolls came on there were a lot of viewers. Approximately 90 to be exact the rest were on guard duty.
Another way I've known I've been here a while. Now immediately upon walking into the dinning hall I have to a take a dump. Previously I at least needed to taste the food.
Engineers are a commodity in Iraq today I did a favor for one of the infantry units so in return they give me a gift, two high explosive grenades and two fragmentation grenades. Good news honey, thanks to latest supreme court ruling I believe we might have the latest in home defense. We can take out the intruder as well as any thing else within a 5 meter radius ... sweet thank you second amendment.
Almost there ... almost there.
Friday, July 18, 2008
Iraqi Government Translation
If a member of the Iraqi Government complains about "Quality" on my project it means. "Dear, contractor please give me money."
If a member of the Iraqi Government complains about "Security." It means that he is an idiot who can not get the simple task accomplished also he would like some more money from the contractor.
God, I love this fucking country.
If a member of the Iraqi Government complains about "Security." It means that he is an idiot who can not get the simple task accomplished also he would like some more money from the contractor.
God, I love this fucking country.
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Day 51 - LT Dunford and the 4 Drarfs
There are days when I hear a story that is so strange and funny it borders on being unbelievable, however I saw part of this tale and heard the full descriptions from two different sources belonging to two different units.
In an area of the city where I am currently residing there is a section known as Old Town. Old Town is home to Four Dwarfs. Each dwarf has a unique personality trait that they are referred to by.
Angry. Angry owns a fruit stand. Angry received the name because he is not very found of Coalition Forces. When one of convoys rolls by he greats it with Arm waves, obscene gestures and shouts in some mythical little person language (Arabic). When US troops recently entered his house during one of there house to house missions he screamed until they left.
Evil. Evil has an uncanny resemblance to the Wicked Witch of the West. She travels around Old Town on a tricycle. Evil has trouble peddling the tricycle so she propels herself around the streets with her feet. The street’s of Old Town are not paved and plagued with potholes, divots and other things, which hinder Evil’s movement. Often the children of Old Town are often seen pulling her around on the tricycle. Evil’s hatred of Coalition Forces is greater than that of Angry’s she has graduated from hand gestures and shouts in her mythical language to throwing rotten fruit and even the occasional rock. While at a recent site visit to the area I was fortunate enough to meet Evil. She actually chucked a rock in my direction and than escaped on her tricycle as tempting as it was I took the moral high ground and let it go; although next time I might just throw Angry at her.
Happy. Happy is a jolly fellow. Not much is known about happy but he likes the Coalition Forces mostly because the Coalition Forces often mistake him for a child and throw candy to him and sometimes even the occasional soccer ball.
Friendly. Friendly is just that. He is a member of the militia, Sons of Iraq, which is currently allied to the US (mostly because we pay them to be). He mans a checkpoint with his AK-47 and looks like a modernly armed extra from “Willow”. I asked him if he needed my help in his quest to save Elora Danan from the clutches of the evil queen Bavmorda but unfortunately he only spoke that strange drarf language and my interpreter who apparently speaks little person just gave me a quizzical look. So alas my friend you will have to continue the expedition on your own.
It goes with out saying miss you all. See you soon .... hopefully.
In an area of the city where I am currently residing there is a section known as Old Town. Old Town is home to Four Dwarfs. Each dwarf has a unique personality trait that they are referred to by.
Angry. Angry owns a fruit stand. Angry received the name because he is not very found of Coalition Forces. When one of convoys rolls by he greats it with Arm waves, obscene gestures and shouts in some mythical little person language (Arabic). When US troops recently entered his house during one of there house to house missions he screamed until they left.
Evil. Evil has an uncanny resemblance to the Wicked Witch of the West. She travels around Old Town on a tricycle. Evil has trouble peddling the tricycle so she propels herself around the streets with her feet. The street’s of Old Town are not paved and plagued with potholes, divots and other things, which hinder Evil’s movement. Often the children of Old Town are often seen pulling her around on the tricycle. Evil’s hatred of Coalition Forces is greater than that of Angry’s she has graduated from hand gestures and shouts in her mythical language to throwing rotten fruit and even the occasional rock. While at a recent site visit to the area I was fortunate enough to meet Evil. She actually chucked a rock in my direction and than escaped on her tricycle as tempting as it was I took the moral high ground and let it go; although next time I might just throw Angry at her.
Happy. Happy is a jolly fellow. Not much is known about happy but he likes the Coalition Forces mostly because the Coalition Forces often mistake him for a child and throw candy to him and sometimes even the occasional soccer ball.
Friendly. Friendly is just that. He is a member of the militia, Sons of Iraq, which is currently allied to the US (mostly because we pay them to be). He mans a checkpoint with his AK-47 and looks like a modernly armed extra from “Willow”. I asked him if he needed my help in his quest to save Elora Danan from the clutches of the evil queen Bavmorda but unfortunately he only spoke that strange drarf language and my interpreter who apparently speaks little person just gave me a quizzical look. So alas my friend you will have to continue the expedition on your own.
It goes with out saying miss you all. See you soon .... hopefully.
Friday, May 23, 2008
Day 42 - Random Thoughts
Sorry for not updating this but I have been on the road attached are a list of random thoughts and items I have encountered during my trip.
Along one of the routes I travel often there is what I believe a burger store. The sign on the burger store has two pictures one of a baby and the other of a burger. I don’t know exactly what they are selling but I am not buying.
Spencer, a good friend of mine, is a JAG officer working for detainee operations. His office received a group of letters one of which was written from a young boy addressed to a Navy person. The letter was from a boy who stated his Dad was in the Marines. His Dad told him that the Navy gave the best blowjobs. The boy than inquired as to whether or not the Navy person gave blowjobs and ask what was the quality of the aforementioned blowjobs. It ended with the hope that the Navy person was having a good time giving blowjobs in Iraq. Immediately after finishing the letter Spence did what any person would do, he scanned it and sent it out to everyone he knew. If you don’t believe me I have a PDF copy as backup.
For those of you who don’t believe Western culture will take root in Iraq (Defeatocrats). I just want you to know that the Iraqis have adopted the drive by. And we all know how it goes first comes the drive by shootings than comes gansta rap and finally apple pie, democracy and Christianity. We are almost there just 4 more years to go (Vote for McCain).
Armed Forces Network (AFN) provides satellite television for our troops stationed in Iraq. They have been given permission to rebroadcast several different US television shows; however they are not allowed to rebroadcast commercials. To fill the void they have there own commercials typically they consist of describing in painful detail why military heritage is important but there is always a weekly service announcement. This week its, “Dude beating your wife ain’t cool.” Damn it AFN thanks to your announcement there goes one of my favorite pastimes, ah well at least I still have drinking and driving.
Editors Note: Despite the author’s poor attempt at humor. Beating your spouse is no laughing matter and besides anyone who knows the dynamics of my relationship knows for a fact that I am the beaten not the beater. Also folks don’t drink and drive unless your driving a rental car than well have fun.
Finally in order to pass the time and because what the hell else am I going to do, I am competing in a mustache growing competition. And yes I look magnificent.
Stay Classy Iraq
Along one of the routes I travel often there is what I believe a burger store. The sign on the burger store has two pictures one of a baby and the other of a burger. I don’t know exactly what they are selling but I am not buying.
Spencer, a good friend of mine, is a JAG officer working for detainee operations. His office received a group of letters one of which was written from a young boy addressed to a Navy person. The letter was from a boy who stated his Dad was in the Marines. His Dad told him that the Navy gave the best blowjobs. The boy than inquired as to whether or not the Navy person gave blowjobs and ask what was the quality of the aforementioned blowjobs. It ended with the hope that the Navy person was having a good time giving blowjobs in Iraq. Immediately after finishing the letter Spence did what any person would do, he scanned it and sent it out to everyone he knew. If you don’t believe me I have a PDF copy as backup.
For those of you who don’t believe Western culture will take root in Iraq (Defeatocrats). I just want you to know that the Iraqis have adopted the drive by. And we all know how it goes first comes the drive by shootings than comes gansta rap and finally apple pie, democracy and Christianity. We are almost there just 4 more years to go (Vote for McCain).
Armed Forces Network (AFN) provides satellite television for our troops stationed in Iraq. They have been given permission to rebroadcast several different US television shows; however they are not allowed to rebroadcast commercials. To fill the void they have there own commercials typically they consist of describing in painful detail why military heritage is important but there is always a weekly service announcement. This week its, “Dude beating your wife ain’t cool.” Damn it AFN thanks to your announcement there goes one of my favorite pastimes, ah well at least I still have drinking and driving.
Editors Note: Despite the author’s poor attempt at humor. Beating your spouse is no laughing matter and besides anyone who knows the dynamics of my relationship knows for a fact that I am the beaten not the beater. Also folks don’t drink and drive unless your driving a rental car than well have fun.
Finally in order to pass the time and because what the hell else am I going to do, I am competing in a mustache growing competition. And yes I look magnificent.
Stay Classy Iraq
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Day 27. I have Internet at last. I have Internet at last. Praise God Almighty I have Internet at Last.
Well all,
I apologize for the delay but the man (US Army) blocked the blogging sites. We just had a personal line run so I can continue my blog from the convenience of my room. Since I last wrote a couple of weeks ago I checked into my permanent location here at beautiful Forward Operating Base Loyalty. FOB Loyalty is located on the site of a former government office complex built by the Russians for Saddam and yes it has all the charm and architectural beauty of a …. Well an office complex designed by communists. Oh did I mention it has an old prison, where Saddam used to torture people. yup nothing haunted in here. Anyway the tourist attraction on our base is the JDAM building, named after the type of bomb we dropped on the building during the first gulf war.
This place is Army to the bone. I am one of three Navy Sailors on the FOB and subsequently get a little bit of shit. I’m constantly referred to as a CPT even though I am a LT and get yelled at when I call them by the Navy ranks. I know the Army rank structure and only refer to them by the Navy rank out of spite. If they aren’t going to recognize the Navy rank structure why should I recognize the Army rank structure? Additionally the head of the cell I work for is constantly giving me crap about how the Navy sucks and the Army is better blah blah blah … so I said, “CDR, you may have a point about the Army deploying for a longer time, however when was the last time the Navy needed the Army’s help to complete a mission?” In an unrelated story I don’t think the LCOL likes me that much.
Sorry Nicole chances are he is probably going to be your next boss.
I travel outside the wire a great deal and interact with different Iraqi ministries and elected officials (lots more to follow about those guys but its amazing the same country that deprives me of alcohol elects people who make me want to drink). Not to worry all as you can see from the picture when I travel outside the FOB I have enough weapons and ammunition with me to take on Rambo or capture France:
Well this time I mean it when I say it, “More to follow.”
I apologize for the delay but the man (US Army) blocked the blogging sites. We just had a personal line run so I can continue my blog from the convenience of my room. Since I last wrote a couple of weeks ago I checked into my permanent location here at beautiful Forward Operating Base Loyalty. FOB Loyalty is located on the site of a former government office complex built by the Russians for Saddam and yes it has all the charm and architectural beauty of a …. Well an office complex designed by communists. Oh did I mention it has an old prison, where Saddam used to torture people. yup nothing haunted in here. Anyway the tourist attraction on our base is the JDAM building, named after the type of bomb we dropped on the building during the first gulf war.
This place is Army to the bone. I am one of three Navy Sailors on the FOB and subsequently get a little bit of shit. I’m constantly referred to as a CPT even though I am a LT and get yelled at when I call them by the Navy ranks. I know the Army rank structure and only refer to them by the Navy rank out of spite. If they aren’t going to recognize the Navy rank structure why should I recognize the Army rank structure? Additionally the head of the cell I work for is constantly giving me crap about how the Navy sucks and the Army is better blah blah blah … so I said, “CDR, you may have a point about the Army deploying for a longer time, however when was the last time the Navy needed the Army’s help to complete a mission?” In an unrelated story I don’t think the LCOL likes me that much.
Sorry Nicole chances are he is probably going to be your next boss.
I travel outside the wire a great deal and interact with different Iraqi ministries and elected officials (lots more to follow about those guys but its amazing the same country that deprives me of alcohol elects people who make me want to drink). Not to worry all as you can see from the picture when I travel outside the FOB I have enough weapons and ammunition with me to take on Rambo or capture France:
Well this time I mean it when I say it, “More to follow.”
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Day 12 - Camp Victory
Its been an interesting couple of days to say the least. I tried to grow a mustache and failed miserably (no pictures were taken thankfully). The training group of been with for over month broke apart and we each went our separate ways. The six of us actually became quite accustomed to each other since well to put it bluntly we have been living together for a month. So I was actually a little sad to see them off.
A picture of the group taken on our last day at FT Jackson.
Early last week I moved from Camp Virginia to LSA and was turned over to the Army Corps of Engineers. LSA is the hub for the majority of personnel flying into an out of Iraq. To put it bluntly it was actually a reunion of sorts, I ran into 4 different people who I knew from various stages of my military career. None of us had any clue the other was out in this theater of operations we just were wondering around in the dining facility or at the exchange and looked up and surprise a blast from the past. Which leads me to reason number 137 to get out of the military, WE ARE ALL FUCKING OVER HERE!
The onward movement into Iraq was rather interesting we made a tactical landing. Bottom line a tactical landing is a roller coster ride at 3,000 feet. The aircraft made moves I previously did not think were possible in a cargo plane. Bottom line the pilots did a great job landing the plane and even a better job making me except Jesus Christ as my lord and savior.
Camp Victory my current location is an oasis in Baghdad. The base has not been targeted during the latest up tick in violence, which coincidentally seem to occur right as getting ready to come over here, thank you Maqtada Al Sadr for the welcome gift. The food here well I would use the term great but I don't think it gives the food enough justice.
I'm going through the indoc class right now and getting ready for my final movement to my last destination. To put it bluntly it should be a real challenge the office in terms of staff I'll have iabout a third the size of my office back at Earle and we are only doing about 8 times the work (currently we have are responsible for over 60 projects worth roughly $245M), which will look good on the resume.
Anyway here is my address:
LT Ben Dunford
FOB Loyalty
USACE-GRC
APO/AE 09390
As always more to follow.
Ben
P. S.
When it comes to Mike Clarke and his desire to send me sand I have no choice but to take the moral high ground and just shake my head at his comment.
P. S. S.
Mike Clarke smells like poop.
A picture of the group taken on our last day at FT Jackson.
Early last week I moved from Camp Virginia to LSA and was turned over to the Army Corps of Engineers. LSA is the hub for the majority of personnel flying into an out of Iraq. To put it bluntly it was actually a reunion of sorts, I ran into 4 different people who I knew from various stages of my military career. None of us had any clue the other was out in this theater of operations we just were wondering around in the dining facility or at the exchange and looked up and surprise a blast from the past. Which leads me to reason number 137 to get out of the military, WE ARE ALL FUCKING OVER HERE!
The onward movement into Iraq was rather interesting we made a tactical landing. Bottom line a tactical landing is a roller coster ride at 3,000 feet. The aircraft made moves I previously did not think were possible in a cargo plane. Bottom line the pilots did a great job landing the plane and even a better job making me except Jesus Christ as my lord and savior.
Camp Victory my current location is an oasis in Baghdad. The base has not been targeted during the latest up tick in violence, which coincidentally seem to occur right as getting ready to come over here, thank you Maqtada Al Sadr for the welcome gift. The food here well I would use the term great but I don't think it gives the food enough justice.
I'm going through the indoc class right now and getting ready for my final movement to my last destination. To put it bluntly it should be a real challenge the office in terms of staff I'll have iabout a third the size of my office back at Earle and we are only doing about 8 times the work (currently we have are responsible for over 60 projects worth roughly $245M), which will look good on the resume.
Anyway here is my address:
LT Ben Dunford
FOB Loyalty
USACE-GRC
APO/AE 09390
As always more to follow.
Ben
P. S.
When it comes to Mike Clarke and his desire to send me sand I have no choice but to take the moral high ground and just shake my head at his comment.
P. S. S.
Mike Clarke smells like poop.
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