Rest and Relaxation Army Style.

Greeting from beautiful Qatar where I am on my four day rest and relaxation pass. Bottom line it’s a lot like a work release program from prison. Everything we do is highly supervised and regulated. The nightly night cap is limited to three beers a person and unlike the last time they closed all the loop holes, which I may or may not have used in the pass to score more drinks.

But perhaps I am getting ahead of myself. Getting here was anything but restful and relaxing. After arriving over a week ago at the airport I found myself being bumped from every flight due to being a low priority. For those who haven’t been reading the news the Russians are at it again and invaded Georgia in response to Georgian military actions. Rest assured the US does not stand for “excessive military response” unless it comes from a country whose name happens to rhyme with kisreal. But anyway I digress, the Georgian military got priority as they urgently and expeditiously redeployed for two days I watch them come in on the helicopters get pep talks from there unit commanders and spiritual advisors, use their break to clean there weapons and fly off to fight an enemy that was tearing through their country. I asked one of the officers how he was doing and he responded with the understatement of the century, “Glad I am going home wish it was under better conditions.” So at least I have that to look forward to a better homecoming. I can’t imagine returning from war to fight a war.

When we finally got here we were greeted by the ground rules. To summarize I am under greater restrictions here than Martha Stewart on house arrest, however despite this it has been a nice little rest. Also I tried complaining telling them we are being treated like children, however on my first excursion out into town one a fine Army member decided to sit down on a display chair and didn’t realize the glass between separating the display area smacked his head on the glass and had to go to the hospital for stitches. This may sound elitist but at least the officers should not suffer from the harsh restrictions after that incident I might not say the same thing about the enlisted.

All in all the trips been fun albeit a tease making me miss home more.

I can’t complain though when I get back I’ll have less than a month and a half to go.

Missing you all.

Ben

Day Holy Shit I've been here Fucking Forever

Well all, I know it has been a while but the military has kept me very busy to say the least. In the past month I've traveled around my area of operations and I've seen a lot. Here is a brief overview of some of the things I've experienced.

The members of the various district council throughout Iraq are some of the highest paid officials in the country. The US government subsidizes there salary and they get a decent stipend from the Iraqi government and they collect even more money through the various extortion schemes they all run. With that said every council meeting regardless of which council (I deal with five) opens up the meeting with the same item a vote that they there salaries must be raised. Also I got to witness the first ever vote to concur with the previous vote, which in turn cancelled the previous vote.

As part of the surge the US military has opened these small bases referred to as Joint Security Stations (JSS). To be blunt staying at a JSS just plain sucks. The one I was at was manned by an Infantry Company so in English it means 120 dudes live there. The only entertainment is AFN television. So needless to say when the reality television show the next pussycat dolls came on there were a lot of viewers. Approximately 90 to be exact the rest were on guard duty.

Another way I've known I've been here a while. Now immediately upon walking into the dinning hall I have to a take a dump. Previously I at least needed to taste the food.

Engineers are a commodity in Iraq today I did a favor for one of the infantry units so in return they give me a gift, two high explosive grenades and two fragmentation grenades. Good news honey, thanks to latest supreme court ruling I believe we might have the latest in home defense. We can take out the intruder as well as any thing else within a 5 meter radius ... sweet thank you second amendment.

Almost there ... almost there.

Iraqi Government Translation

If a member of the Iraqi Government complains about "Quality" on my project it means. "Dear, contractor please give me money."

If a member of the Iraqi Government complains about "Security." It means that he is an idiot who can not get the simple task accomplished also he would like some more money from the contractor.

God, I love this fucking country.

Day 51 - LT Dunford and the 4 Drarfs

There are days when I hear a story that is so strange and funny it borders on being unbelievable, however I saw part of this tale and heard the full descriptions from two different sources belonging to two different units.

In an area of the city where I am currently residing there is a section known as Old Town. Old Town is home to Four Dwarfs. Each dwarf has a unique personality trait that they are referred to by.

Angry. Angry owns a fruit stand. Angry received the name because he is not very found of Coalition Forces. When one of convoys rolls by he greats it with Arm waves, obscene gestures and shouts in some mythical little person language (Arabic). When US troops recently entered his house during one of there house to house missions he screamed until they left.

Evil. Evil has an uncanny resemblance to the Wicked Witch of the West. She travels around Old Town on a tricycle. Evil has trouble peddling the tricycle so she propels herself around the streets with her feet. The street’s of Old Town are not paved and plagued with potholes, divots and other things, which hinder Evil’s movement. Often the children of Old Town are often seen pulling her around on the tricycle. Evil’s hatred of Coalition Forces is greater than that of Angry’s she has graduated from hand gestures and shouts in her mythical language to throwing rotten fruit and even the occasional rock. While at a recent site visit to the area I was fortunate enough to meet Evil. She actually chucked a rock in my direction and than escaped on her tricycle as tempting as it was I took the moral high ground and let it go; although next time I might just throw Angry at her.

Happy. Happy is a jolly fellow. Not much is known about happy but he likes the Coalition Forces mostly because the Coalition Forces often mistake him for a child and throw candy to him and sometimes even the occasional soccer ball.

Friendly. Friendly is just that. He is a member of the militia, Sons of Iraq, which is currently allied to the US (mostly because we pay them to be). He mans a checkpoint with his AK-47 and looks like a modernly armed extra from “Willow”. I asked him if he needed my help in his quest to save Elora Danan from the clutches of the evil queen Bavmorda but unfortunately he only spoke that strange drarf language and my interpreter who apparently speaks little person just gave me a quizzical look. So alas my friend you will have to continue the expedition on your own.
It goes with out saying miss you all. See you soon .... hopefully.

Day 42 - Random Thoughts

Sorry for not updating this but I have been on the road attached are a list of random thoughts and items I have encountered during my trip.

Along one of the routes I travel often there is what I believe a burger store. The sign on the burger store has two pictures one of a baby and the other of a burger. I don’t know exactly what they are selling but I am not buying.

Spencer, a good friend of mine, is a JAG officer working for detainee operations. His office received a group of letters one of which was written from a young boy addressed to a Navy person. The letter was from a boy who stated his Dad was in the Marines. His Dad told him that the Navy gave the best blowjobs. The boy than inquired as to whether or not the Navy person gave blowjobs and ask what was the quality of the aforementioned blowjobs. It ended with the hope that the Navy person was having a good time giving blowjobs in Iraq. Immediately after finishing the letter Spence did what any person would do, he scanned it and sent it out to everyone he knew. If you don’t believe me I have a PDF copy as backup.

For those of you who don’t believe Western culture will take root in Iraq (Defeatocrats). I just want you to know that the Iraqis have adopted the drive by. And we all know how it goes first comes the drive by shootings than comes gansta rap and finally apple pie, democracy and Christianity. We are almost there just 4 more years to go (Vote for McCain).

Armed Forces Network (AFN) provides satellite television for our troops stationed in Iraq. They have been given permission to rebroadcast several different US television shows; however they are not allowed to rebroadcast commercials. To fill the void they have there own commercials typically they consist of describing in painful detail why military heritage is important but there is always a weekly service announcement. This week its, “Dude beating your wife ain’t cool.” Damn it AFN thanks to your announcement there goes one of my favorite pastimes, ah well at least I still have drinking and driving.

Editors Note: Despite the author’s poor attempt at humor. Beating your spouse is no laughing matter and besides anyone who knows the dynamics of my relationship knows for a fact that I am the beaten not the beater. Also folks don’t drink and drive unless your driving a rental car than well have fun.

Finally in order to pass the time and because what the hell else am I going to do, I am competing in a mustache growing competition. And yes I look magnificent.





Stay Classy Iraq

Day 27. I have Internet at last. I have Internet at last. Praise God Almighty I have Internet at Last.

Well all,

I apologize for the delay but the man (US Army) blocked the blogging sites. We just had a personal line run so I can continue my blog from the convenience of my room. Since I last wrote a couple of weeks ago I checked into my permanent location here at beautiful Forward Operating Base Loyalty. FOB Loyalty is located on the site of a former government office complex built by the Russians for Saddam and yes it has all the charm and architectural beauty of a …. Well an office complex designed by communists. Oh did I mention it has an old prison, where Saddam used to torture people. yup nothing haunted in here. Anyway the tourist attraction on our base is the JDAM building, named after the type of bomb we dropped on the building during the first gulf war.

This place is Army to the bone. I am one of three Navy Sailors on the FOB and subsequently get a little bit of shit. I’m constantly referred to as a CPT even though I am a LT and get yelled at when I call them by the Navy ranks. I know the Army rank structure and only refer to them by the Navy rank out of spite. If they aren’t going to recognize the Navy rank structure why should I recognize the Army rank structure? Additionally the head of the cell I work for is constantly giving me crap about how the Navy sucks and the Army is better blah blah blah … so I said, “CDR, you may have a point about the Army deploying for a longer time, however when was the last time the Navy needed the Army’s help to complete a mission?” In an unrelated story I don’t think the LCOL likes me that much.

Sorry Nicole chances are he is probably going to be your next boss.

I travel outside the wire a great deal and interact with different Iraqi ministries and elected officials (lots more to follow about those guys but its amazing the same country that deprives me of alcohol elects people who make me want to drink). Not to worry all as you can see from the picture when I travel outside the FOB I have enough weapons and ammunition with me to take on Rambo or capture France:



Well this time I mean it when I say it, “More to follow.”

Day 12 - Camp Victory

Its been an interesting couple of days to say the least. I tried to grow a mustache and failed miserably (no pictures were taken thankfully). The training group of been with for over month broke apart and we each went our separate ways. The six of us actually became quite accustomed to each other since well to put it bluntly we have been living together for a month. So I was actually a little sad to see them off.



A picture of the group taken on our last day at FT Jackson.

Early last week I moved from Camp Virginia to LSA and was turned over to the Army Corps of Engineers. LSA is the hub for the majority of personnel flying into an out of Iraq. To put it bluntly it was actually a reunion of sorts, I ran into 4 different people who I knew from various stages of my military career. None of us had any clue the other was out in this theater of operations we just were wondering around in the dining facility or at the exchange and looked up and surprise a blast from the past. Which leads me to reason number 137 to get out of the military, WE ARE ALL FUCKING OVER HERE!

The onward movement into Iraq was rather interesting we made a tactical landing. Bottom line a tactical landing is a roller coster ride at 3,000 feet. The aircraft made moves I previously did not think were possible in a cargo plane. Bottom line the pilots did a great job landing the plane and even a better job making me except Jesus Christ as my lord and savior.

Camp Victory my current location is an oasis in Baghdad. The base has not been targeted during the latest up tick in violence, which coincidentally seem to occur right as getting ready to come over here, thank you Maqtada Al Sadr for the welcome gift. The food here well I would use the term great but I don't think it gives the food enough justice.

I'm going through the indoc class right now and getting ready for my final movement to my last destination. To put it bluntly it should be a real challenge the office in terms of staff I'll have iabout a third the size of my office back at Earle and we are only doing about 8 times the work (currently we have are responsible for over 60 projects worth roughly $245M), which will look good on the resume.

Anyway here is my address:

LT Ben Dunford
FOB Loyalty
USACE-GRC
APO/AE 09390

As always more to follow.

Ben

P. S.

When it comes to Mike Clarke and his desire to send me sand I have no choice but to take the moral high ground and just shake my head at his comment.

P. S. S.
Mike Clarke smells like poop.

Day 10 - Sand Sand Everywhere

After spending the last two and a half days at the Udari Range. We have now officially completed training and are per the Navy's rules ready to move forward into Iraq. The Udari range is a group of tents (five or six) in the middle of the desert. The training is unique in its own sense. The first two days occur at the shoting range and unlike any other shooting ranges we have previously worked on in training it follows Middle Eastern safety standards, which happen to be non existent.

We lined up as a group and did turns and shoots, walks and shoots, runs and shoots and my favorite run, turn and shoot. All of which is dangerous. Bottom line the range is run by a bunch of crazy retired special forces guys. These people were in the special forces thus inherently a little crazy plus the fact that they are retired and no longer in the military but happen to be hanging out in the middle of the Kuwait desert doesn't solidify your belief in the questionable psychological state of these people. Let me explain something that happened at the range. This occurred during the simple shoot part of the range. He would yell a command and we would repeat it and do the action. So when he yelled, "Up!" We raised our weapon up and we would fire two shots. We were standing 25 yards from the target and he was yelling, Up! while walking behind us. He then stepped in front of me and yelled, "Up!"

I gave him a look and said, "Huuup?" which is a combination of Huh and what.

He looked at me and again said, "Up!"

I looked at him and responded, "Up!???!"

He said, "Up!"

So I yelled, "Up!" and thought man this is going to look bad during the mishap investigation and fired my weapon over his shoulder at the target. Now when I say over his shoulder I don't mean I stuck my weapon over his shoulder and fired. I mean the bullet left my weapon at 3000 ft/sec and traveled over his right shoulder and into the target.

After I fired the two shots he states, "During combat you will have to shoot over your own men to hit the enemy." And all I could think about was yeah and during combat we sometimes we accidentally shoot our own men while trying to shoot the enemy (Pat Tilman).

The rest of time was spent doing convoy training and dealing with the ongoing sandstorm.

There is nothing to describe the pain of a Middle Eastern sandstorm. First let me describe the sand here, the sand is so bad that they import more sand. The sand that is indigenous to the area can not be used in concrete. It is closer to a coarse dust than it is to sand and the wind picks up and blows this dust everywhere. It comes at you from every direction and kills visibility.

Bottom line we came back about two hours ago and I immediately took a 15 minute shower and I just took another 15 minute shower and I still haven't gotten the majority of the sand off my body.

One last note before I sign off I would like to give a shout out to the editors of Stars and Stripes, the military newspaper for deployed troops. The headline was a story all about how the Iraqi police have finally come together to form a cohesive unit, which can stand up to the insurgency and free the country of Iraq from oppression. Immediately below the story is a piece from AP headline, "Despite US commanders urging 150 Iraqi Police officer deserted there key post in Sadr City and handed over to a Anti-government militia.

Boots on Ground Day 6 - Ping Pong Summer Camp

Well folks not much to talk about. Currently we have a hectic schedule of doing nothing. Our days consist of one or two meeting if we are lucky. Mostly we are just getting use to the heat and drinking lots of water.

This means I have lots and lots of free time, so we have lived life in Camp Virginia to the fullest. First let me describe Camp Virginia, it is a base in the middle of nothing. With wonderful views on all four side of .... nothing. Its a transit point to get people ready for Iraq or to decompress from Iraq (The lucky ones) and get them ready for the US. Because of that there are a lot of Western comforts (McDonald's, Subway, Panda Express .. etc.). A USO and a movie theater that specializes in shitty movies (I've believe in the past three days I've seen every Queen Latifia movie to date). Noel is very happy with this because she knows my love of shitty movies and by seeing them here she doesn't have to watch them at home (Delta Farce).

They also have an MWR facility that has ping pong let put it this way Ladies and Gentlemen I have found a new hobby. Camp Virginia has become a ping pong training camp of sorts for a few of us. With nothing else to do we have turned to ping pong. Every day we play for hours at a time. However, every time we think we are becoming ping pong masters the Army personnel who run this camp show up. When one goes on deployment they always find something to do (I for one plan to prepare for the GMATs and work out) given the size and shape of the typical Army personnel at Camp Virginia they did not plan to work out and decided to master ping pong. These people are not good they are too good. They are not the type of people who make say a fraternity proud because they can win drunk but the type that makes a fraternity question the individuals social skills in high school or lack their of bottom line they are people like my brother Michael ... nerds. They stand about five feet from the edge of the table and launch the ball at you. They take out all their frustrations about being away from home stuck in an outpost on the ball and consequently you. I am proud to say I had my best game against one of these fellows the other day he only beat me 21 to 4.

That's all I have for today. We are heading out to the range for the next couple of days and then all be turned over to the Army early next week for forward movement.

As always stay classy USA.

Boots On Ground Day 2

Greetings folks from Kuwait where the weather is well hot and shitty.

We left late Friday night from the local airport at Columbia, SC. The local veterans organizations (VFW, DAV and the Military Order of the Purple Heart Society) all came out to give us flags, boxes of girl scout cookies and other fun items. It was actually a pleasant send off.

ADM Mullen who is the head of the Joint Chiefs of Staff (The highest ranking military officer in the country) landed at the airport approximately 75 feet from our location. Unfortunately he had some pretty important business to take care of (The Masters golf tournament was being played 40 miles from that location) and could not afford to stop and say hi. This is despite the fact that one of the reasons he got his position was because he sent us to Iraq on IAs please see the first posting for more information.

From South Carolina we flew to a stop over point in Germany where I played America's favorite game show how drunk can a person get in one hour. And the answer is .... VERY.

We arrived in Kuwait on Saturday night (Boots on ground day 1) unloaded the bags and drove up the infamous Highway of Death to my current location here in Camp Virginia. The Highway of Death got its name during the first Gulf War when Allied aircraft bombed the hell out of the Iraqi Army as it tried to escape and reposition its self along a new front in Southern Iraq. To be honest it kind of sucks. I was looking forward to a little bit more. I didn't even see one burnt Iraqi corpse. I guess after 17 years they finally cleaned up the place.

Kuwait is pretty much how I remember it. US bases surrounded by a whole lot of nothing. I forgot about the glare. The sunlight reflects off the sand and blinds you. In every direction you look there is the glare of the sun. It is weird there are no shadows. Unfortuntely my sunglasses deserted me and heading back to America with the Airplane. The best way to describe how the heat feels is for you to run hot water in the shower in the bathroom close the door walk away and come back five minutes later. If you don't have the time you can just have a good friend punch you in the face and that accurately depicts the heat experience.

Our schedule this week is pretty light. Mostly just acclimating our self to the heat. We are suppose to go to the Udari range end of next week. We can not deploy to Iraq until we complete the range. I was named the tent commander so I actually have a little bit of admin paperwork I have to do (Yes, I am a very important person who owns many leather bond books and my house often smells of mahogany). For the most part I plan on doing the only logical thing. Sleeping till I'm hungry and eating till I'm tired.

Well folks that's all I have for today.

Stepping Off

After 1 week in San Diego and 3 weeks in lovely FT Jackson; our stateside training is complete. In approximately 7 hours we will be departing for Kuwait.

Training was completed Wed morning. After the completion of the training cycle we had our after action brief, which was actually pretty funny. I honestly believe the Navy staff came in to hear about how great they were but instead felt the fury of the first ever dry class. The reason for making our class dry changed approximately four different times during the brief. Finally the LT who was the sacrificial lamb stated that they really do support us and there people work 12 to 14 hours a day. Then to contradict that argument my fellow classmates pointed out that when we leave in the morning the lights are out and when we return in the evening 10 to 12 hours later the lights are out.

The Army staff, however was very helpful. They provided great advice and some of the lessons I learned hear I know will be quite helpful in theater. Honestly, I shot more times in these last couple of weeks than I have in my whole life and I can actually tolerate the body armor for small periods of time.

Anyway I don't have that much to say its been a rather slow, boring couple of days. Time has moved to almost a stand still as I wait for the flight. So with that I bid farewell.

So see you on the flip side America.

P. S.
Don't see Leatherheads that movie sucked. If I ever see George Clooney I am demanding my $6 back.

Last Call for Liberty

Well my last weekend in the states has just wrapped up. Noel who is truly my better half, came down to say good bye and we took in the sites of lovely Columbia, the capital city of South Carolina. Its a bustling metropolis whose tourist motto is "Why the fuck are you here?" Our hotel was right in downtown Columbia, which would have been nice but apparently downtown shuts down at 5 pm on Friday and doesn't reopen until sometime after the upcoming elections. Despite the lack of commerce in the area the hotel actually had a nice view of the capital which still displaces the highly controversial confederate flag. For anyone wondering I believe the hotel is located on the corner of Klu Klux Avenue and Lynching Way.

Unfortunately the weekend ended this morning and well the hardest part of the deployment took place (the goodbye). She drove back to DC and I continued with training. Its been just over 12 hours and I already miss her.

We are almost complete here at Fort Jackson. The only real remaining evolution the practical exercise takes place tomorrow. Wednesday consists of classroom training on the rules of warfare and cultural awareness. I can teach these classes in less than a minute. Rules of warfare is simple... survive. Cultural awareness is almost as easy; be nice to the locals unless it interferes with the rules of warfare.

Bottom line the goodbye is over, all useful information from the drill instructors will be passed out tomorrow. Its time for me to get on the fucking airplane.


Only because I promised pictures.

As always more to follow.

Rants about Training

First off one can not go to South Carolina and not complain about locals, this weekend we had liberty, military term for a couple of hours off, and I was able to experience South Carolina. In general the people seem to believe in the old adage, "Slow is smooth and smooth is fast." Sorry South Carolina but SLOW IS FUCKING SLOW. When I am at a store it should not take you more time to give me my change than for me to shop. I was out at the local Walmart, pretty much the only store in the south, with my buddy Mike and he purchased an item requiring 20 cents change. The transaction took over 2 minutes. The check out lady took his cash stared at the register and proceeded to get out the stash of change; Twenties, Tens, Fives, Ones. Finally she figured out it all he needed was two dimes. The locals poor education particularly in the Math actually had an advantage we had to take an eight dollar cab ride and so at the end of the ride I gave him a twenty. He gave me three fives back and asked for me to give him a one. Thanks for the deal. I know what your saying, "I shouldn't take advantage of the poor fool" but hey unlike the locals I'm not an Evangelical I believe in Darwin and if he isn't smart enough to survive well ....

Second. Navy Supply. Thank you supply for issuing us desert boots, which have a tag on them stating, "Caution not intended for use in combat vehicle or aircraft." Thanks for issuing us a holster from the Vietnam era and when people complained they gave us directions to a store in which we can BUY a better one. Thank you, Navy supply department once again you are truly showing your patriotism by doing everything you possibly can for God and Country between the hours of 10 and noon.

Third. NERDS!!! This is directed to the medical service corps losers on the other side of the barracks and there love of online gaming. Ninety percent of the time I can't even check my email because of their social ineptitude. Since the Nerds are only deploying to Kuwait the training regiment is not as stringent as mine and does have a lot more free time and thus constantly pirate the bandwidth. Additionally one of the jackasses had the morning watch yesterday and turned the lights on 30 minutes early. Sleep is a commodity here. I know what your saying I should be nice to the medical jackasses they may save my life but these guys aren't doctors they are medical service corps, their jobs are all science base Micro Biologist types. So pardon me its time time to set move the setting on my baton from Hippie to Nerd and have some fun.

Fourth. Watch. Since we all have weapons per the training rules we have to constantly maintain a watch making sure no one takes our weapons. Oh yeah all of our weapons are locked in lockers so a watch is really not necessary. But what fun who needs sleep when one can sit inside an already secured compound and make sure no one steals weapons from a secured locker. But hey its not like sleep is a commodity.

Fifth. The know it all. This is dedicated to a certain senior enlisted member of my platoon who musts make sure everyone knows his opinion. I don't care if he was in the Marine Corps, the Army national guard and now the Navy all it tells me is he can't make it in the Marine Corps, the Army and as a civilian. Your years of failure does not give you a right to try and correct the drill instructors who unlike you have been to Iraq. So In case you are happening to read this I will dumb it down for you. Them right helpful advice. You wrong and your a jackass.

Sixth. I am called an IA, which stands for individual training. The people at FT Jackson have been training IAs for three years. When I am over there and I move outside the wire chances are I will be with maybe one or two other military members. The rest of my convoy will consist of state department and civilian body guards AKA mercenaries and I am not the only one who is in this situation. Please gear your training towards me. An example of this is the quack told us after a combat related activity occurs during the after action report have an informal conversation between all the members involved. This will help build unit cohesiveness and help relieve individuals anxiety. Well lets run through a possible sample how do you feel scenario with my South African body guard.

Me: Man that was intense. How are you feeling?
Mercenary: Rich

And finally to end this post on a high note. I would like to give a shout out to the Cuz man. The Cuz man works at the DFAC, dining hall, and has to be the happiest man in food service. He refers to everyone as Cuz or Sista Cuz depending on their sex and offers us council. A typically interaction goes something with the Cuz man goes something like this, "A good night cuz?" "Long I had watch and got 3 hours of sleep." The cuz man ponders this statement and responds. "Sucks Cuz here'z more eggs."

And so with this I bid you all a good night CUZ.

Week One at Fort Jackson

Well folks week one of training at FT Jackson is complete and to celebrate I have just coated my back and shoulders the best I could in Icy Hot. The first week was all about weapons and gear immersion. The first step is just getting used to the gear. In Iraq when you leave the fence line (the base) one must carry approximately 70 pounds of gear. For me it includes the following:

- Interceptor Body Armor complete with front, back, sides, shoulders and my favorite groin protector
- Kevlar Helmet
- M-16 Rifle and bullets
- M-9 Pistol and bullets
- First Aid Kit

So to get us used to it we wore it pretty much everywhere. All of which as you can imagine has done wonders for my back and shoulders.

Our days activities this week can be summed up in pretty much one word shooting. This week we shot, than we shot and to add a cherry on top of it we shot. We shot the M9 and the M16. We shot standing. We shot kneeling. We shot laying down in the prone position. On Saturday we got a break and had some classroom instruction in first aid and to kick off the class on a high not we watched videos of people getting shot.

At night there isn't much to do at night in hotel FT Jackson. We are living in open bay barracks, which is one rack next to the other down the line. Our barracks has two rooms and lucky for me I'm in the smaller of the two. I only have 5 roommates. When I arrived I picked the rack next to the Air Conditioner, which is usually a good call, however South Carolina is currently undergoing a cold streak and the Air Conditioner refuses to go off and has one setting, icebox. As I type this it is becoming more and more likely I will start a small fire in the garbage can for warmth. The showers are set up as open gang shower. Its amazing how similar this place is to being in prison. The warmest the water gets is luke warm unless someone flushes a toilet any where within I believe 15 miles of this place than the water slows down just a little bit for any where from half a second to a minute at which point in time it miraculously shoots out scalding hot water. Which helps keep us on our feet.

All of my roommates are deploying to Iraq for varies periods of service. I will be going for the shortest amount of time so its hard for me to bitch ... but don't worry I still do. One of my roommates Mike just found out that his wife is pregnant. He is scheduled to be deployed for approximately 7 months if you add the usual extension and well he should make it back in time for the birth, hopefully.

As you can imagine the recent events in Iraq (the resurgence of activity by Al-Sadr's militia) has brought up a lot of short conversations. To be blunt, I don't think its doing a lot to help ease our anxiety about the upcoming mission. Two of the people in the room still don't know where they are going in Iraq and could thus could possibly be going directly to the hot spots. Thankfully all Iraq conversations are cut short and generally end with one of us referring to another as a homosexual or they just claim other enjoys performing the act.

Military members are a lot like Eagles fans when in doubt just call someone gay.

Anyway thats the short recap, I am looking forward to enjoying the day off and my only plans are to not put any stress on my back.

As always more updates about this fun journey to follow.

The journey begins

For those of you who don't know I am deploying to Iraq. So to be able to keep in touch with everyone and to document this experience I created a blog.

In an effort to help out our countries fight against terrorism and because of the spirit of patriotism that burns inside them our fine Admirals in the United States Navy looked into their hearts and figured out the quickest way to get a promotion would be to volunteer to send others to war. So the Navy set up the Individual Augment Program (IA) for short; the basic of the program is that after a quick training process we would be able to go off and join the Army forward deployed in Iraq, Afghanistan, Kuwait, Qatar and Djibouti. To simplify the Navy is whoring me out to the Army and unlike a good pimp the Navy isn't even giving me the courtesy of a crack addiction.

To make it worse I am going to the Army Corps of Engineers who had a General in need of promotion so he decided to augment some of his folks to the State Department. Problem was he had no people left to augment but lucky for him (and yes I assume its a man not because I'm sexist but everyone knows women can't be flag officers) he knew an Admiral in need of promotion. So I am being augmented to be augmented and yes that's good for the moral. So to sum it up as so far I was whored out to the Army, which I believe sold me to the State department for two packs and an old Playboy. So that translates to me going to Iraq to lead a reconstruction office in Northern Iraq. Yeah what fun.

Which leads us to today; I am working through step two of the three step process. Although they have had five years to perfect it the Navy still has not gotten the augment process down. Perhaps if McCain is elected president and we have another five years of war they will be able to smooth out the kinks maybe. The first step to process was at the Navy Mobilization Processing Site (NMPS), which lasts one week. The Navy has four centers spread throughout the country so the Navy with its keen business scents sent me to the most cost effective location, San Diego. Its one fun filled week of standing in one line just so we can go stand in another line, it's the military version of Disneyland. The highlight is when we get to see the "provider" Navy slang for an 18 year old kid who has the same intense medical training as a lifeguard. The provider decided if you were fit to deploy. So naturally being the coward that I am when it was time for me to see the provider I claimed I had every medical condition I heard of on television. After he gave a courtesy glance at my medical record he smiled and said, "Let's get you into a uniform." So after I got into a new uniform it was on to FT Jackson for phase two basic combat training.

The whole time we were at NMPS we were told over and over again, "The war begins the second your foot touches the ground at FT Jackson. You hit the ground running." Well when my foot hit FT Jackson on Saturday and my "war" began I was greeted to a pleasant briefing given my barracks assignment and than proceeded to drink a lot of beer. After two days of this when I was just starting to get used to that type of "war." the fun began. FT Jackson is a basic training camp so we have drill instructors teaching us. The problem with that is a drill instructor only knows how to teach one thing, 18 year old recruits. The training is dumbed down to the level of an 18 year old high school drop out. To say the least the instruction is basic; here is an example of a lesson we had on the M16 A2 rife. Our drill instructor got up in front of the whole class pointed to the end of the rifle and said, "You see this here whole. Out of this whole comes the bullet. The bullet travels fast you see. It will hurt or kill anything that gets in the way. So if I see you put your hand over the whole I will smack ya. If I see a put it on your foot I will take that rifle from ya and butt stroke ya. AND IF ya put it near ya head I will tie ya to my truck and drag you across the street. " As you can tell by the example they also threaten us with physical harm.

So thats were I stand. More to follow. Maybe even with pictures but I make no promises.